yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
