If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
