i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
