i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
