im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
