remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
