i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
