Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
