a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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