it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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