i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
