Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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