'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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