i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
