I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
