It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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