I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
