I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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