she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
