Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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