I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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