Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was confusing and full of hummus
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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