so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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