My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
