I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the day after is always just damage control
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
