Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
