going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
