So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
