Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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