Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
