I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
