i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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