How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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