Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
