It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
