I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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