I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
