How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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