i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
