I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
