i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
