when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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