So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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