Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
