While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
