I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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