Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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