eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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