"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
