like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
