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Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My bed smells like the plague
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
