Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i believe in u and ur pee
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
