I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
