when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
