There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
