i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
