I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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