I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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