So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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