OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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